Civic values

One of the keys for the success of societies is finding a balance between the preservation of its identity, its cultural values and customs, and the adaptation to the new needs of its members. If they do not change fast enough, they fail to ride the wave as other societies do and end up in a relative disadvantage. If the change is too strong, the risk is that the society loses its cohesion, their members fail to identify with their peers and the society breaks down.

A similar phenomenon happens in families: when two (or more) generations live under the same roof it is essential that they have enough common values to ensure a reasonably peaceful coexistence. By its own nature, older generations will have the benefit of longer hindsight, giving them many more examples from which they can draw the conclusions. Younger generations, on the other side, are mostly unencumbered by the past and in very tight contact with the present, so their views are closer to the zeitgeist. Still, if they are to share a home with their parents, they are to uphold the inherited norms at least in front of their elders, but then they also frequently export these norms into the wider society.

Photo: Anagoria

Today Trevor asked me to help him with his Ethics lesson. He had already read through the material, but he felt like a fool talking to himself and did not want to write down the answers, so instead asked me to pose questions on the subject. First we discussed the concept of family and how in ancient Rome families exceeded the concept of blood connection to include every member of the household, even servants and slaves. Then we landed on the current concept of family, which typically includes less people than in Rome (mainly through the reduced household size and the fact that most of us do not have servants or slaves anymore), but in exchange is much more flexible in terms of marriage, divorce, co-habitation, etc.

Following on human relationships, next we discussed friendship and how the word "friend" was originally used to designate anyone for whom we had affection, regardless of whether this affection was of a romantic nature or not. The fact that we still call our significant others "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" (at least in some stages of the relationship) is a consequence of this old custom.

Finally, we also discussed homosexuality as a relationship between two people of the same sex. His notes mentioned that this practice is now socially accepted in most western countries, but it was illegal not so long ago and it still is some countries in Africa and Asia. To test his convictions I started to make derisive bigoted comments about homosexual people and, understandably, Trevor could not believe what he was hearing. "Why do you say such horrible things, dad? They are just normal people, not better and not worse than heterosexuals. It was so nice studying with you yesterday and today you acting all crazy!".

After this rant I could not hold my laugh anymore, apologize to him for giving him a hard time and gave him a big hug of appreciation. I am so glad that he has grown up to be a sensible person, even at age 13! Families, as societies, require some core values to be transferred from one generation to the next, and he seems to be picking the right ones. Enjoy the evening!