Conversations and food appreciation

It is a common problem in the society of today that we move through life too fast and too focused on our interests, captivated by the never ending stream of surprises and thrills, but surely missing out on serendipitous circumstances that could not only enrich our experiences but also bring us joy. I mentioned last Friday how glad I was that Trevor had accepted my suggestion to play a card game that had been sitting unused for some weeks already, all the more considering just how strong the competition of the digital media is. But he is not the only one suffering from this disappointing pattern, I am also substantially submerged in that myopic world, even if I do my best to keep my head above water.

One of the positive side effects that the COVID-19 crisis has brought is a remarkable surge in family lunches. Before the pandemic, family meals were mostly restricted to lunches on Saturday and Sunday, plus dinners in front of the TV Fridays and Saturdays. The rest of the week Karen had lunch with the kids while I was at the office and, as a natural consequence, when I was home she had rather have dinner vis-a-vis with me and enjoy at least a modicum of "adult conversation", so the kids usually had dinner earlier on their own and went to bed before we sat down to watch a movie or discuss the news. Even the weekend dinners, when we sat together huddled around the TV, were an enjoyable time together but not an actual family meal the way I understand it.

Photo: Michael & Sandy

It is obvious by my age that I am too young to have witnessed the time of the great regular family meetings where eight or ten people lived under the same roof and eat more or less together, but I was always taught that dinner time was the time to be with the family, because we already spent the rest of the day pursuing our own chores, at times running into one another, perhaps needing someone's support, but most certainly not doing activities that involved the family as a whole. Even the TV, which was often running while dinner was cooking, was switched off (with very few exceptions) the moment dinner was ready. It was thirty-odd years ago, where life was still slow compared to today, but it was already then clear that we had to get off the frenzy of life for some minutes and be there for the rest of the family. I was raised on a loose christian tradition, but the arguments seemed extracted directly from a handbook of mindfulness. 

I have not pursued any serious spirituality for years, and indeed, if I had to provide a definition, I would ascribe myself to the secular humanism, but looking backward with the perspective of time I can sympathize with the rite that my father imposed. We did not explicitly give grace in a "regulated" way, but the effect was almost literally equivalent: we paused for a few seconds, contemplating the food that were going to it, enjoying the looks of it, anticipating the flavors, thanking (implicitly or explicitly) whoever had bought the ingredients and prepared the food, and wishing each other an enjoyable meal. And then, very importantly, we respected the food while we ate: once we had tried it, we would praise its virtues and downplay its shortcomings; We ate with calm, giving ourselves time to appreciate each bite, not wolfing the food down. And only after the food had been sufficiently admired and praised would the conversation evolve towards the events of the day, upcoming plans that had to be reported, help requests, complaints, demands for pocket money, or any other subject that we fancied.

Family lunches have a slightly different taste, because they necessary happen in the middle of the day, but by then the school is already over, so they still provide the opportunity to discuss the lessons of the morning, as well as prepare the plans for the afternoon activities, be it going to music lessons or paying a visit to a friend (only one-on-one these days). Today Karen prepared our own version of a Japanese dish called katsudon (カツ丼), a bowl of rice with a pork cutlet on top, and as usual the praises were many, the conversation was lively and the joy great, so I could not help myself thinking that I should tell you about it and share with you part of my good fortune. Enjoy the evening.