Listen to your heart

If you have read a few of my previous posts you are probably already aware of how strongly I oppose the idea of living following a template, because is nothing but a pale semblance of real life and in fact many people have a hard time dealing with the contradictions of their own multiple templates. Observing the traditions, following the common uses, heeding the advice of friends close and far is, in general, a very comfortable way to live. In the same way that in the Paint by Number method you can create "a beautiful oil painting the first time you try", fulfilling everybody's expectations allows you to have a pretty decent life without even having to think about it.

The problem with the adopted roles is that they occasionally clash with one another or with your own beliefs (even if you may tend to bury them very deep): as in Aesop's Fable of the Man, the Boy and the Donkey sometimes it is simply impossible to please everyone, and then it is time to prioritize and relegate those templates which are less relevant and follow the ones that are really important. Alternatively, one can actually leave the templates behave an, as in the 1988 song by the Swedish group Roxette, "Listen to your heart", even if this means a lot more effort (because you have to actually think and reason about what position to take instead of "inheriting" one) and is much more scary (because it would then be your own decision and you will have nobody to blame if things go wrong).

Photo: Colinvdbel

I had a moment of epiphany a couple of years ago which changed (a small portion of) my life for better and forever: Since time immemorial I was used to wear slippers whenever I was at home: it was comfortable to take off your shoes and it reduced the amount of dirt you bring in the house from the street. I grew up in a flat with hardwood floors and almost every home I have lived in had either the same or laminate floors, so thermal isolation was not an issue as it usually is the case with tiled floors, but the fact is that it was customary: my father wore slippers at home, and so did my grandfather in his own place, so it just felt natural to follow suit. However, one day I had to dispose of my slippers because they had become so worn down that they were literally falling apart and there was no way I could wear them a single day longer. My kids has always preferred running around just in socks (which explains the speed at which they get eroded) but I found that, in combination with the laminate floors, that solution was too slippery to me, so I decided to go barefoot instead and the rest is history.

It is true that the change in my life has not been huge, I still get up at the same early time and go back to bed late, eat the same kind of food and read the same types of books, but this episode shows how sometimes just taking a moment to consider alternatives to the usual way can open unexpected paths ahead: since I walk barefoot at home I go to bed with slightly dirtier feet, but the footing all day long is much more solid, I can feel the floor creaking under my feet and even notice when someone has dropped bread crumbs. I also live in constant fear that a glass might shatter, but I know I have the privilege of counting on Karen to give me a hand if that should come to pass.

In some sense it follows the same idea as when the Japanese organizing consultant Marie Kondo speaks of objects that "spark joy": when clearing your house/closet/garage just take a a few seconds or a minute to look at each object squarely and decide, in an exercise of honesty, if you really feel like you need to keep that object or if you just do out of custom or fear that you might miss it in the future. It must be an excruciating effort, particularly if you have to do it for a lot of stuff, but at least when you are done you can legitimately say that you have kept the objects you wanted and not just what stuck to you.

It has been already more than a year since Marie Fredriksson passed away, but her voice keeps singing in my mind with the same strength as 32 years ago and I keep looking for occasions to follow the advice of her song and listen to my heart. Have a nice evening.