World's greatest dad (actually mom)

This morning, while taking a short break from work to grab a second cup of coffee, Karen showed me an image from Instagram or Twitter (sorry, I do not have the link) of a self-made cardboard kitchen where a 6-year girl was happily playing.

Karen (quoting from the caption): "This might not be the most beautiful kitchen in the world..." Of course it is! Look how happy your daughter is! It has every detail.

Me: A candidate to the world's greatest dad...

Karen: Mom. World's greatest mom. It was the mother who built the cardboard kitchen. Why does everyone assume that, once it gets down to building, it all falls on dad's hands?

Me:...

I am ashamed to admit that I was victim to the zeitgeist, because I did not automatically thought that the kitchen had been build by the father, but then, seeing that it was on the internet I assumed that that it was the kind of job that fathers flaunt around.under #worldsgreatestdad, so then I attributed the job to the father. Of course, this is just another instance of implicit bias, which the attribution of certain characteristics to a person by their membership of a certain group (e.g. women are not good at building, so this cannot have been built by this mom). Even if the premise is statistically true, the person at hand might be an outlier in their group and therefore the extrapolation does not apply. Think for instance of the statistically accurate statement that most Asian people are short and the Linsanity episode with the basketball player Jeremy Lin in the March Madness of 2012.

Photo: LadyDIY on Pixabay

But coming back to the implicit bias, there is another disturbing and more profound effect: not only do fathers get automatic attribution for many jobs, but they also get praise for things that many mothers do without any appreciation. Just to give you an example, a guy writing on twitter under the name @paper_liger dressed as Little Red Riding Hood to match his daughter's wolf costume. While it is commendable that someone is ready to expose himself to public ridicule for the daughter's sake, it is certainly not more worth of admiration that then hours many mothers put to saw those costumes together.

In a similar case, Greg Wickherst, who is the single dad of daughter Izzy, went to beauty school to be able to do her hair. Again, a commendable effort by the father, but one can only think of all the mothers who do not have the time or the resources to go to beauty school even if the wanted, and are left to learn to do a passable job by whatever means they have.

I mentioned last week how privilege is sometimes invisible, but it is still privilege. And the fact that someone is in the position to make an extra effort and flaunt it is, to some extent a position of privilege, because there are many people who just have no choice. Yesterday I pointed out the difference in the treatment that the police dispensed to the invaders of the Capitol and the demonstrators over George Floyd. Today I just want to bring to your attention that there are a lot of people working in the background and putting as much effort or even more without ever getting recognition (or even dare to demand it, because they would be dismissed with "it is your job"). To all those, most of which are women, here is a big thank you. I know that this will not pay your bills or earn a glass of wine, but stay reassured that I am aware of all the work you all have been doing and continue to do to keep society running (at least t the extent allowed by the current pandemic). Have a nice evening.