Of adults and kids

Being a teenager is tough for everyone: not only are you facing a whole lot of new decisions that just were not there during the childhood, but you also have to adjust to passing judgement from a grown-up perspective, giving up your old childish measuring stick. Additionally, the teenage rebellion will push you to question even ideas for which the common sense (or the tradition) already has an answer, and occasionally you will get to enact "alternative" solutions that time will eventually prove wrong. And all this while some part of you still resents leaving childhood behind and tries to cling to it for a few more months.

Photo: PublicDomainPictures on Pixabay

This week I have two wonderful examples of this conflict on Trevor. On Sunday, while I was changing the bed sheets, I was unable to find his stuffed animal.

-Me: (calling across the hallway) Trevor, where is "Little Nick"?

-Trevor: (rushing in) Isn't he on the bed? 

-Me: (looking between the bed and the wall) Oh, sorry, here he is.

-Trevor: (putting Little Nick on his shoulder, but very explicitly NOT hugging him) Phew! I really like him. In fact, the only thing that I do not like in him is that so many people have one.

-Me: It is not that common, not like there is one in every house.

-Trevor: Our cousins had one of them lying on the floor last time we visited them... It was so sad!

He was genuinely troubled by the prospect that his favorite stuffed animal could be gone, but he struggled not to show it in a childish way, because at age 13 and already with a shadow on his upper lip and under the chin you are not supposed to be too emotional about a doll.

On the other side, today I had to drive Jason to the ophthalmologist for his yearly checkup so I did not have a chance to have coffee with Karen after lunch. Luckily, Trevor chivalrously jumped to the rescue and offer to have coffee with Karen on my behalf, so that she would not have to be alone. Besides, it would also give him a chance to be alone with mum, which is always time well spent, even as he keeps growing.

It is comforting and, at the same time, a bit painful, to see the conflicts he runs into on a daily basis between the child and the adult ethics. Faced with a normal everyday life decision like when to do his homework you can see the cogs working in his mind when he first concludes that he wants to play, so he will have to do the homework later. Then he realizes that this is not a very mature approach so he re-frames the question and, obviously, reaches the conclusion that he should first finish his homework then, if there is any time left, he can play. And it is very visible how he kicks himself for thinking again: it would have been so much better just to follow his first judgment and have a great time! 

Luckily Jason is already over the hump and most of the time he is able to take wise decisions on his own, although nobody is able to overcome the childish inclination for immediate gratification (ask my procrastinating self, in case you have any doubt). Not only is he much more responsible with his own work, but also more sensible in the handling of others, watching out for their expectations and feelings so as not to hurt anyone inadvertently or threat them with insufficient care.

In the end, one cannot do much more than creating a helpful environment and wait to see how they grow up. Small corrections are possible, but I know already that none of them will be an avid programmer like the one I have become. I just hope they find a suitable way for themselves in life, a path leads them to happiness and fulfillment. Have a nice evening!