Friends-in-waiting

One of the mental exercises that I like the most is trying to understand the zeitgeist, the social unconscious mind, by looking at the way we communicate. The words we use and their combinations sometimes reveal remarkable difference between otherwise similar cultures. One example of these differences is the way we "use our attention" in different western languages: while in English you pay attention to something, in French you do the attention (faire) to something, in Spanish you lend you attention (prestar) and in German you give it (schenken). The subtext is clear that the attention can be considered some kind of commodity to be traded, or something you can give away either temporarily or permanently, or it can even be created at will. A deeper study would almost enter into psycho-social analysis, so I will not try to go any further, but the difference in itself is quite interesting.

However, one underlying theme in all western languages is the existential angst that we will all be dead at some point. This gets translated in expressions pointing to the shortness of the time we are given and the moral obligation to make the best out of it. Already in 1748, American statesman Benjamin Franklin wrote in an essay "Time is money" to summarize the monetary cost of laziness, but other adages such as "Ars longa, vita brevis" (the craft is long but life is short) date back to the ancient Greek doctor Hippocrates around 400 BCE. One scary example of this worry about time is depicted in the 1973 novel Momo by German author Michael Ende, where the inhabitants of the city are so busy trying to save time that they cannot afford to talk to friends or enjoy a moment of pause, because once the time is gone, it is gone for ever.

Photo: piqsels.com

The most salient manifestation of the awareness that time cannot be replenished is the fact that in almost any human society the powerful and the rich have always rushed to use their wealth to pay their way out of lengthy and alienating work. It is not like the work is not valuable, and in fact this pandemic has showed us that some of the least valued jobs proved to be very necessary in society. However, given the option, the well-off have regularly chosen to focus on more satisfying tasks even if they were of less value for the society at large. But that is not the most evident sign of wealth.

When it comes to demonstrating true power, the greatest indicator is having the authority to have someone do literally nothing. Even the hardest work can be rewarding on its own when, at the end of an hour, you see that you have restocked a number of shelves, dug out some loads of coal or cleaned a certain number of hotel rooms; but doing nothing is always alienating. Some weeks ago I was discussing with my friend Jerzy how he should not feel bad for not having anything to do during hist watch: he is paid to be available in case a problem arises, but he is free to do whatever he wants while he waits as long as he can get ready at the drop of a hat to solve any incoming issue.

One classic example of this power to make other people do nothing is the figure of the lady-in-waiting: their duties varied from one court to a another, but the essence is described in the name, they were to be waiting beside (or behind) their lady liege to attend to their needs for company, conversation and entertainment. The result is that all those minor noble ladies divided their time between doing nothing and doing someone else's bidding. In fact, the term wait is related to the verbs for watching and attending as in "standing to serve someone's needs".

However, it is not on everyone's heart the strength of will to have other people waiting for you. Over the weekend at one of the family lunches we discussed the frequent situation of Jason and Trevor waiting for their friends to play online or, because we tend to entangle in interesting discussions, having to clear the table in a rush because their friends are waiting for them. I pointed out how, in my high school and university years, well before the time of smartphones, I always carried a book with me, because I never knew when I would have idle time. And the charm of being half-way through a book is that you feel like your friends (the characters in the book) are always waiting for you in the pub or ready to play yet another round of Fortnite. And all without all the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because, contrary to real-life situations, a book just cannot go ahead unless you are around to read it.

Funnily enough, Jason pointed out the clash he feels whenever he is enjoying a book that he as to read for school: the story is appealing, but he should not jump to far ahead, lest he has to read the middle part again. In his own words, it is like telling his friends "sorry, but today I am grounded so I cannot join you for a match". The friends I have waiting for me now are James Holden and Bobby Draper from Caliban's War, the second book in the Expanse series. I hope you have your own friends-in-waiting too. Have a nice week.