The power of giving

The story is well known in any house with more than one children: the moment one of the siblings is devoting all their attention to some activity the younger one (I might have some bias here), a master of trickery, manages to lay their hands on that coveted toy or game that was off-limits for so long. My mother, like a 20th century Marie Kondo, frequently mediated in the dispute arguing that the enjoyment does not lie in the things you possess, but in what you do with the things, so whoever was not using the item in question is not harmed by someone else using it. "But they will break it, because they do not know how to use it", the plaintiff would say. And my mother, who always had useful answers for almost anything, would reply: "If that is your fear, you can set aside what you are doing and help them to learn how to use it". Of course, that was code talk for actually supervising the younger one, but in the end most situations resolved peacefully without too many building block flying through the air. But she was actually correct: as long as the object of desire was not in use by the owner and it was not damaged by the use, there was no harm in using it.

Just a few years later, she also started quoting a proverb which is frequently ascribed to Bengali writer Rabindranath Tagore, but which could as well be just secular Indian knowledge: All that is not given is lost. I frequently added as a joke "especially hugs and kisses" (because they do not get to "exist" unless you give them), but the depth of the thought always stayed with me because it actually lends itself to several interpretations. The most mundane one is that, when confronted with the opportunity to give things away, we frequently decide to keep them instead, we put them in a drawer and we eventually forget about them, so much so that on the next occasion we need it we might even buy a new one rather than digging through the drawers to find the old. For all practical effects, the object was lost.

Photo: Liselle VD from Pixabay

From a more transcendent point of view, it could be referring to the fact that once we die we do not need material possessions anymore, so anything that we have not given away will end up either stranded for years in a inheritance court ruling or land in the hands of someone who is unlike to have any appreciation for it. For that reason it is better to give away your things (essentially everything) while you are still alive and have a chance to pass them on to people who want them and will appreciate them.

This week we have finally booked our summer holidays at the beach. We wanted to see David, whose first daughter is bound to be born any day now, but we did not feel like invading his home, so instead I booked a hotel for the whole week. And I have to admit that I have splurged a bit, because I booked the best hotel I could morally afford: after such a long time I wanted my family to create new good memories, I wanted the hotel to be clean, well provided, with just a hint of luxury, because if the vacations are not better than staying at home what is the point? I also booked half board to ensure that we did not have to anguish every evening over where to go for dinner, opening times, type of food, etc. Admittedly, it is not the most exciting plan, just lying on the beach, driving around a bit, visiting my brother and his family, but I am sure that it will produce a pile of good memories, because previous stays at other upscale venues have had a similar effect.

The decision to be generous with the travel budget brought the Tagore quote to my mind, because all the money that I have been saving these months have not produced anything good. It is true that we are now slightly safer from the financial point of view that we were two years ago, but the amount of renounces that have been necessary (COVID-related, but still) just do not pay off. There is nothing better than giving to someone in need, even the need is not very severe. Giving a hug at the right time, saying just a few words, attending an event that is important for them, are all ways of giving. This week a chose to give them a (hopefully) good vacation, because they are in need of it (although they are not fully aware of just how much). Have a nice weekend.