Doing versus having to do

The number of decisions we have to go over every day can sometimes be overwhelming, especially if any one of them include a wide set of options that have to be carefully considered and weighed against one another. This is the paradox of choice, which we have discussed a couple of times in the past: a larger amount of options does not make for a more satisfactory selection, but only more work and even some frustration. That is why we often find refuge and solace in certain well honed routines, that save us the effort of choosing all the time and provide the comfort of predictability: the time we wake up, the morning routine, the way we take to work, the coffee shop where we stop for our customary cup of dark brew and many more. And all the while we keep feeding the illusion of control, because we can credibly argue that the repetition of our routines is not a cage, but a choice not to choose again, a sort of meta-choice where our preferred options is repeating ourselves rather than going through the process of choosing from scratch.

As in many other cases in life, we do not realize how fortunate and comfortable we are in our routines until they get somewhat disturbed. Finding roadworks on your way to work or your coffee shop closed for the day are fairly significant nuisance for many people. The roadworks will force you to choose between coming in the office late (or at least later) or trying to find an alternative route that is not even guaranteed to bring you there in time. A closed coffee shop will face you with the decision of either getting through the day without caffeine or finding another one that can provide you an "emergency dose" (with the additional time cost, of course). This just demonstrates in how far we are still at the mercy of the elements, but it is still our choice to go one way of the other: we do not retain full control of the situation, but at least we have agency.

Photo: Paul

However, is some situations the options are so heavily unbalanced that you are essentially left with no choice. It is technically true that you can ignore your bosses summons for a meeting as you were just on your way home, but the risks associated to that option (a public reprimand or even getting fired) are so high that you can only put your best face and see what they want. The same happens if the light goes off in the dashboard of your car: a knowledgeable person would be able to judge how urgent the warning is, but for most lay people the smartest option is to drive to the workshop as soon as you possibly can. (You can still choose to take a detour to drop the dry cleaning instead of driving straight away, but you are still left with no options but to drive there before the end of the day.) When the forcing agent is another person we call this coercion, when it is the circumstances we just blame it on bad luck, but the end result is the same either way: you have to do what you have to do, and having no say it is a very unsettling feeling.

Last weekend I have found myself in this situation, which luckily resolved itself (even twice): on Friday evening we found that the TV was suddenly not responding to the remote. It had been working fine the whole afternoon, with both Karen and the kids watching different programs and even Netflix, but as the kids headed upstairs for the night we could not convince our device to play the movie we wanted to watch. Surprisingly it was still reacting to the minimal controls (just three buttons) on the side of the panel, but these only allowed switching senders or adjusting the volume. After power cycling the TV a couple of time without much success, I decided to check the batteries of the remote with the help of my cell phone and I saw the emitter light up, but I had the impression that it was flickering a bit, so I exchanged the batteries and it worked again. Crisis averted!

The second time happen on Sunday afternoon, when the situation repeated itself, with the difference that the batteries had only been in the remote for a couple of days. This time I had an ominous feeling that we will be forced to choke up 500 quid or more to get a new set on short notice, and I hated it very much. The fact is that we had never been very happy with the device, even if it introduced us to the delights of streaming video and the Japanese national broadcaster NHK, because the recording function was unreliable and it also had a tendency to reboot itself if you spent too much time browsing on the Netflix app. Besides, it did not include Disney+ and did not offer the possibility of installing new apps either. In summary, we had been thinking of replacing it for a few months already even if it was still under four years old, but being forced to do so in a rush was very unsettling.

It turns out that, while looking for the remote for the DVD I found the original one for the TV set. We replaced it a few months ago because it was worn by the use, so some keys were less responsive than they should even with full batteries, but in a whim I decided to give it a try and it worked! Somehow the replacement remote must be faulty or have been manufactured with low industrial standards and was failing catastrophically, but the original one managed to get us through the evening. Second crisis averted as well!

Now we have yet another remote that is working fine and, with the perspective of how painful it would be to have to replace the TV in a rush, we are more welcoming to the idea of actually buying a new one. The good part of this situation is that we will not be forced to choose just among whatever they have on the store, and instead we can be a bit more selective, get better informed about the options and, if needed, wait for the perfect model for us to be delivered. The difference between doing something and having to do it can be huge in emotional terms. Have you had a similar experience yourself? Comments are always welcome. Have a nice evening.