Watching the pot

One recurrent phenomenon that never ceases to amaze me is the variations that we all experience in the perception of time. Most notably, when you are in the middle of an interesting conversation or playing your favorite board game time simply flies by and, before you had a chance to realize, it is the time (or past the time) to say your goodbyes and go home. Conversely, when you are bored, be it by a badly written book, a dull movie or a parsimonious speaker, time never seems to pass fast enough and the expectation of having to endure oh-so-many more minutes is simply daunting. Surprisingly, boredom is not the only source of this time dilation. Expectation has a similar effect.

The old truism that "A watched pot never boils" hints precisely in this direction and it is particularly funny because it is a situation that anyone can witness: if you just switch on the kettle to make a cup of tea and diligently wait there for the water to be warm, it will seem to take forever. On the other hand, if you think you can quickly go to another room to grab something, it is very likely that the whistle go off before you are back as if the kettle had taken no time to heat up the water.

Photo: Mark Bonica

Looking for explanations about this phenomenon I found this article by Israeli psychologist Dan Zakay, where explains that prospective experience of time (i.e. assessing the duration of something while it happens, as in the kettle example) is different from the retrospective one (i.e. remembering how long something lasted some time ago). In particular, in the prospective case the experience of time requires some attention devoted to it, so when our attention is divided between the feeling of time and another activity our perception of time is shorter. The retrospective case, on the other hand, is linked to the density of information generated during that time. That is why, when we are traveling several consecutive days and visiting new places, by the time we get back home it seems like we have been away for an eternity, even if the days did not feel long at all during the trip.

Based on these observations anyone would conclude that the best line of action is filling up your days with activity, especially when you are waiting for something, because that would steal attention resources from the perception of time and make the wait shorter. However, we find a different conflict in that approach, because from a very early age we are dutifully instructed in the importance of looking into the future, making plans, considering the consequences and even delaying our gratifications, all of which is actually telling us to pay attention to the flow of time, not to get distracted from it.

This is precisely what happens when when something keeps us up at night: you have a problem to act upon or a question that needs answers and which, in all likelihood, you cannot address at the moment. Under those circumstances you attention is solely devoted to the fact that you have to wait... making the waiting so much worse. On the other hand, it is very strongly contrary to our education not to keep reflecting over things while there is still time in case we have previously missed some detail. However, it is very unlikely that, under the exhaustion typically originated by the sleep deprivation, we will be able to come up with any creative solution. That is why, in the rare occasion when this circular thought assault me I usually just get up and do something else, reading a book, watching TV or even folding the laundry, just to keep my attention away from the perception of time.

However, there are situations where, as Zakay pointed out, there is just so much at stake that it is impossible to draw your attention away. Events that can be life-changing (it does not matter if it is for good or bad) but loom in the future can suck away all our attention and make it impossible for us to focus on anything else. For instance, those who are or might be affected by the current war in Ukraine are likely to have a very difficult time concentrating on anything else. In fact, it is well documented that this effect does not only apply to acute situations: those suffering under chronic stress (i.e. in poverty, famine or domestic violence) end up devoting all their mental resources to their pure survival, living nothing else to be used for other purposes. And, what is worse, the alternation between danger and imminent danger makes them painfully aware of the duration of the worst moment, so they are not only bad, but also psychologically long.

For most of us, who are not under such stressful conditions, there might still be occasions where life-changing events are or might be coming up, and the anticipation seems to take over our minds. Here, the difference between fixed and open deadlines is critical: if the decision is due on a given date (e.g. the results of the bar examination) the waiting might be excruciating, but at least is has an expiration date. You might decide to postpone certain decisions, hold back your spending or limit your investment in certain activities until this result comes out, entering a kind of survival mode where you choose to do less just to avoid wasting your efforts if the result is indeed life-changing. Open-ended waiting times, like the one we are under right now on occasion of the COVID-19 pandemic, are much more taxing. We all understand that we have to tweak down the way we live, but the idea is only bearable under the assumption that the modification will only be temporary: nobody is ready to completely give up traveling for vacation or going out for dinner. Still, not having a deadline as to when this will be over makes the wait painfully long. And the situation is not much different when you are waiting for the result of a job interview, a grant application, a medical test, particularly because the options are either staying as you were (if you do not get the job, the grant, or if the medical results is "normal") or turning your life upside down (if you have to move for your new job or if you need to go some level of medical treatment).

One valid option is in fact to "live less" while you wait. Otherwise you might find yourself regretting some of your decisions once the results comes out (in particular if it is in fact lief-changing). On the other hand, especially if the decision period is long, I generally choose to continue with my life as usual (or at least try). This seems to me like the smartest option because it helps keeping my mind busy with my everyday life. When you "live less" you suddenly have a lot more time to think: about the future, about the implications if the result comes one way or the other, you start negotiating with yourself what your life resolutions might be in either case, etc., and you end up with the same phenomenon as the watched pot: thinking about the future actually pushes the future further away, at least in psychological terms, as if it were never to come.

The flip side can be, as I mentioned above, regret. You might have spent a little too much, read too few books, talked too little to your friends, or signed up for a gym that you might end up not attending. But, at the end of the day, we can only decide on the basis of the information we have at the time we have to make the decision. And living in constant fear of a future that might change our lives but might as well never come is tantamount to letting our life wilt. I try to live my life without fear, aware of the possibility of change but trying not to postpone the pursue of my goals just because they might be pointless in a few months. What is your position? You can leave you comments below. Have a nice weekend.